Vijayanagara, the Beginnings

Author's note: Keep in mind that very little of what follows is true or even pretends to be true. My entire semester consists of studying this 14th-16th century South Indian kingdom, so I need to have a little fun with it, or go insane.

Sangama, an old Indian dude with a stereotypically old-dude-long-white beard laid in his bed as his two favorite sons rushed in to give him the great news. Besides saving a lot of money on their car insurance, they had finally established rulership in their own kingdom. It had been a long journey for Bukka and Harihara, Sangama's two favorite sons by default because history does not remember his three other sons' names. Their journeys did not stop at Vijayanagara's founding either. The larger the kingdom grew, the more issues they faced. Few people realize that Biggy and Diddy jacked a little known Bukka saying translated from Sanskrit: "Mo' money, mo' problems."

It began with an encounter with sultan Muhammad b. Tughluq's troops. The Sangama brothers were in the town of Anegundi. Besides being great warriors, who traveled in search of land to conquer, they also enjoyed partying. And everyone knows that Anegundi on the banks of the Tungabhadra River was the bitchin’est place since Daytona Beach circa 1268.

So they arrived for wine, women, and well, land- even if land doesn’t begin with a ‘w’. They were not constricted by alliteration, most likely because they didn’t speak English. Tughluq’s troops were on the corner of Jefferson and Ashoka Drive making anti-gay jokes about the two brothers and generally acting like dicks. This offended the brothers, but for different reasons. Harihara was a pig-headed prick and balked whenever someone would question his “manhood.” Research shows that his “manhood” was whatever the Sanskrit word for little and deserved to be questioned, if you know what I mean. He had a small penis, that’s what I mean. His younger brother Bukka was offended because he was gay. Why not? It’s not like being gay is a new thing. Like ten percent of people are gay, so some famous people have gotta be. So why not Bukka, the second king of the Vijayanagara Dynasty?

Anyway, there was a scuffle and the brothers lost. In the old days, warriors use to fight in a technique called “swords”. This involved smacking each other’s penises together as if they were swords. Guys know what I’m talking about. Despite being outnumbered, you already know why Harihara lost. Small penis.

The two brothers consequently converted to Islam to aid their prospects. It worked, and they took advantage of the sultan’s inability to keep control of his newly acquired empire. People didn’t like the sultan because he was way too sarcastic. I mean a little sarcasm is nice, but so much sarcasm? Feh. So numerous ministers’ revolted, causing dissention and a loss of control of the empire. Sultan Tughluq installed locals to rule throughout his kingdom. The Sangama boys were installed in Anegondi. They slapped each other five, which was good enough to constitute a full conversion back to Hinduism back in those days. I’m not questioning their religious fervor; it was a firm high five.

Tughluq’s kingdom fell apart and that’s when we meet the two brothers giving their father the good news.

When Harihara became king, the first, his city was not yet Vijayanagara. It was located across the river in Anegundi- party central. But the sulfuric smell coming from the Upper Deccan ruled by the Bahmani sultanate was too much. Many fat people lived in the Upper Deccan and they farted way too much. If you know South Indian wind patterns, then you can see why Bukka was forced to move the capital city of Vijayanagara, hahaha, delicious.

Backtracking a bit, the two brothers heard that their father died in 1338, just two short years after establishing the new kingdom. Maybe, they didn’t really know when they established it. Sometimes they thought they founded it in 1334, but mostly 1336. As in accordance with local tradition, the two royal brothers gave their guiding light the proper respect by urinating on his grave. Ok, ok, that’s not true at all. Everyone knows Hindus are cremated.

Bukka took over from his older insecure brother in 1356, upon Harihara’s death. Guess that small penis didn’t yield any children did it? It just occurred to me that I should have made Harihara gay, since he didn’t have any children. Let’s just say that Bukka and his significant other, Lance, adopted, and were very qualified parents. Bukka was the leader of what would become the largest single empire in Indian history and Lance was quite the good cook.

Bukka’s reign included a large increase in conquered land. His reign tragically ended when he fell down the stairs after hearing Lance cry, “Honey, speed skating is on the tv, that Bonnie Blair you hate so much is up,” and then frantically trying to witness the event. Why Bukka hated Bonnie Blair so much will have to remain another one of history’s mysteries.

Bukka’s son, Harihara II, took over afterwards in 1377. Incidentally, Harihara II was not named after his uncle, but Lance was actually a huge fan of Harry and the Hendersons. You know, I’m too young to be making these references. Was that even the name of the show and/or movie? Harry Anderson, was that the guy on Night Court?

And they lived happily ever after. The End.

Let's Look at the Knicks

My beloved Knicks are... well... terrible. Few of the players exhibit much heart, they don't mesh, and some other negative comment.

Let's review my opinion on what the future should hold for certain players:

Steve Francis - newly acquired. He has a similar game as Marbury, both are not conducive to winning. Get rid of.

Stephon Marbury - being a Knick for a few years now, I have some loyalty to Steph. Nevertheless, he hasn't helped us win in the past, hasn't now, and won't in the future. Get rid of.

Nate Robinson - the rookie guard has been a spark plug for the club. He has shown the energy and the will that other players have lacked. He makes a lot of mistakes, but those will diminish as his experience increases. Keep him.

Jamal Crawford - he's a tough one. Crawford is so inconsistent, but he has the potential to be great on occasions. He's actually the leader of the team when he's on fire, but rightfully relegated to the bench when he's not. He plays no defense, but may have the tools to be a good ball handling two guard if he ever learns. Keep him.

Quentin Richardson - I really wish we had Kurt Thomas, despite the injury, back. This guy played well in DePaul and last year for the Suns, but he simply sucks this year. It would be better for both if he left. Get rid of.

Jalen Rose - may help the team's unselfishness and also has the ability to score. Not much on the defensive end though. Keep him for now.

Channing Frye - has been the bright spot of the team, in this his rookie year. Keep him.

Malik Rose - shows heart, though undersized and has a huge contract. If he and Jalen but the initial of their first names on their jerseys, he can stay. Keep him for now.

Maurice Taylor - absolutely terrible. Get rid of.

Qyntel Woods - who cares? Get rid of.

David Lee - gives it his all, even if his ability isn't there yet. Keep him.

Jackie Butler - tries hard when he gets to play. However, I question his potential. Get rid of.

Jerome James - made my list for most favorite non-Knicks last season because he caught a flying chair thrown from the hand of Danny Fortson. His contract is too much and he hasn't done anything this year, but we can't get rid of him at all, so maybe he'll improve. Keep him for now.

Eddy Curry - could be a legitimate post player night in and night out in the future. He needs to stay healthy, learn to play defense and block and/or alter shots. Keep him.

I spent $40 to sit alone 10 rows from the top, behind the basket, and watch the Knicks lose by 21 against the Wizards. I want my money back Knicks.

Message From Grandpa 3

One of the many Mets games at Shea Stadium that Grandpa took my brother and I to was particularly memorable. It was slightly chilly, probably in the 50s with a slight breeze.

For some reason Grandpa was freezing. He left Shea and the guards were nice enough to relax the rules about re-entering the stadium. He came back with a couple of blankets that smelled like urine. He offered us one, and when we refused, he was astonished that we weren't cold enough to cover ourselves in the urine stench. As a result, Grandpa kept the blankets for himself.

The blankets weren't enough and Grandpa left for more protection. My brother and I watched the rest of the game- youngsters- alone, waiting for Grandpa to return. He never did.

After the game we walked to where we thought the car was, and sure enough, there was Grandpa's familiar '82 Benz. We opened the door. The heat was on full blast.



Me: Holy shit Grandpa, it's hot as hell in here.

Grandpa (awoken from sleeping in the driver's seat): Is it really hot?

Me: Are you kidding me? It's like a hundred degrees!

Grandpa: Really? Huh. I'm fine.

250th Post!

You don't mind a little more self-congratulation, do you? This is my 250th post. I'm pretty shocked that I've had 250 things to say in the past year plus. Of course, it becomes much easier if I post how great I am for keeping a blog every other post.

The real heroes are you, the reader. Keep reading. And of course, keep not commenting or engaging in any debate you jackasses. Oops, that was probably a faux pas.

Those Arabs

The big story is that President Bush hired a port security company headquartered in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

I don't know much about the specifics, but the dissent I've heard has been based on racial stereotyping and xenophobia. Just because this is an Arab company, doesn't mean that they would not do the job they were hired to do.

We cannot allow the erroneous theory that a clash of civilizations is occurring to continue. Arguing that an Arab company is on one side of the war on terrorism simply because of their racial makeup reinforces this conclusion. I 'big worded' myself out of ending with a joke.

Reparations

There are many good reasons to be against advocating reparations for slavery to black Americans. You might hate black people. Your family didn't have slaves- probably, you really haven't checked- and you think you're a good person, so your great great grandfather must have been too. Perhaps you are po' white trash and your life sucks and you need someone to blame for your own inadequacies, so you pick on blacks and Mexicans, and although you've never met a Jew, you know they control the money and want you to fail because of your strong belief in Jesus, and of course you can't acknowledge anyone else's suffering, even if it is systematic discrimination perpetrated by your own government. These are all good reasons to be against reparations.

But let's look at the issue from a different angle. An angle that is less obtuse, contains less crazy rants. Or at least a different kind of crazy rants.

I am the descendent of Holocaust survivors. And just as victims of Japanese Americans wrongly interned in detention centers during World War II, many Holocaust survivors have received compensation for their horror. My family attempted to get paid for their suffering, but were too poor to afford a good lawyer, so we were denied. Don't cry for me, we're doing alright now, we don't need reparations.

There are differences. The victims of slavery (at least the kind that we're discussing right now) have long been dead. So whom do we pay? Whom do we dish out the checks too? It's too complicated, let's not do it.

How about a different approach. The government should provide services for the poor as a means of providing reparations. Reparations are not useful if rich people get richer, although if we want to convince George Bush- reparations are a way to get rich people richer!

For the rest of us with "intellect," reparations are most useful if they solve the issues that still plague black America. Let's provide funding for inner city schools, that are so under funded it is an obvious form of racism. Let's use that money to enforce equal housing opportunities. Let's use that money to create scholarships to college for poor people. Let's do something similar to the GI bill after World War II. The government should create a partnership with black Americans. Imagine that, the government being responsible for its citizens. This really is radical stuff!

NBA All Star Game Recap

I don't like the East and West uniforms. The players should keep the uniforms of their teams. For example, if Nate Robinson had made the All Star Game, he should wear a Knicks jersey, not an East jersey. That would help to promote individual NBA teams and allow the all stars to be more recognizable during the game itself.

I was surprised that Chauncey Billups was not even nominated for All Star Game MVP. He turned the tide in favor of the East when they were down, although I won't argue against Lebron James winning the award.

There weren't many absolutely amazing plays this time around, but it was an entertaining game, especially in the fourth quarter. The game showed the US Olympic committee that getting role players that are familiar with one another's game would be a more effective strategy. Whenever the four Pistons entered the game, the East always started playing well. But what do I know, I didn't manage to win a Bronze medal in the Olympics now did I? Uh, no I didn't.

Nate Robinson Is The Man

I feel cheated. I love Nate Robinson. I even liked him when he played for the University of Washington. I prayed that the Knicks would draft him. G-d was kind to me. I tried to find a Nate Robinson jersey for my brithday. But they don't sell a jersey small enough even to fit his 5'9ish" frame, let alone fit me!

Now he's won the dunk contest. He struggled as he attempted to make some amazing dunks, but the dunks that he did make were incredible. He deserved to win by far. (Remember Iggy's dunk from behind the basket came in the first round.)

The trouble is that now his popularity will probably grow threefold. And I still don't have my Nate Robinson jersey. If I find one now, people will assume I just got it because he won the dunk contest and not because I love his energy and talents. Cursed success!

Even Hip Hop Is Divisive In The Middle East

I have given you political commentary and offensiveness for over a year, all without discussing the Israeli-Palestinian situation. 'But David, you have a big mouth, you rant on current events, you're Jewish, why not?' you might ask.

I have nothing to say. And I have everything to say.

As with everyone else I have my theories; I have my hopes; I have my suggestions. However, to be honest, I just don't know what to think or believe. This ignorance has resulted in despair.

Perhaps an example will help to clarify. I went on the internet (much as you are doing right now) searching for Israeli Hip Hop, Arab, Jew, whatever I could find.

What I found were articles with polar opposite descriptions of artists' motives and impact. American articles considered Israeli emcees to be changing the Star of David into a proud symbol representing Jews over the last 60 years. The star was used in Nazi Germany to denote one's Jewishness. It was a stain. Now, Israeli emcees are making it a symbol of pride again. However, a British article considered the same Israeli emcees the purveyors of colonialism, because of insensitive remarks and the unequal power situation. I find it quite ironic that the British are talking about another country being a colonial power. But that shouldn't take away from the claim that these Israeli emcees are right-wing nationalists.

Palestinian emcees are viewed as the voice for an otherwise voiceless people. They speak against injustices. But others consider them to be advocating terrorism.

These dual views are disheartening. Especially since these are American and British journalists writing about Hip Hop. If there is not even a chance in hell for agreement on Hip Hop emcees between two countries that are not even involved in the conflict, what hope is there?

Two last things that really piss me off about this:

Do not compare Israeli actions to the Nazis. The Nazis worked towards exterminating a group of people, the state of Israel, as wrong as many of its actions have been, is not attempting to exterminate anyone.

Do not compare the fear of suicide bombings to the predicament of the Palestinians. This is an issue of power, and for a change, Jews have the power in this instance. These are not equal injustices. In addition, comparing suicide bombings to the Holocaust is unbelievably offensive. No matter the sentiment, these suicide bombers cannot possibly exterminate Jews, because they do not have the resources or the power to do so.

What's With Bigoted Teachers?

While I was substitute teaching, one teacher yelled at his students, "Where's your faggot coach? Where is that fag?"

Listen buddy, this is not Texas! We are not ignorant fucks up here. Why don't you not scream out slurs in front of your students you stupid mother fucker. Why do we have such narrow-minded idiot coaches in this area?

The ironic thing is that he was on the other end of the other coach's bigotry.

Steak-umm Name Change

The Steak-umm Company, which makes the frozen food product that goes by the same title has decided to change its name. It is now called Diarrhea...Umm? or so my tuchis tells me.

The answer to the new name's question is always yes.

The Vice President Shot His Friend In The Face

I can go a variety of ways with this one:

Of course, the terrorists win if Vice President Dick Cheney isn't allowed to shoot his friend in the face.

Shooting an old man in the face is actually a welcome change for Mr. Cheney, who took time out from eating babies to fire a gun at his friend.

I think it's fitting that his friend's name is Whitemanton. Whittington? Oh wow, that's even whiter.

The Vice President cocked back and fired at the 78-year old Whittington. The bullets flew through the air and into the facial region of the Texas attorney, who- without checking any facts- is a prosecutor. As the bluish blood ran down the old man's cheek, Cheney giggled like a school girl, which is the only mode of expressing emotion he still has, due to the bells palsy that has crinkled one side of his face like a raison in the sun (that line has already been taken? Damn.).

I actually don't know what the big fuss is, I shoot my friends in the face all the time.

Mistaking an old man for a quail is really not that big of a deal. Millions of people mistake Bill O'Reilly for intelligent life.

The only shock from this event is that Dick Cheney went a weekend without shooting a minority.

Man, George Bush really IS stupid, mistaking a man for a quail, wait what?

Quail, the Vice President, and shooting a man in the face because he was mistook for a bird... I would have guessed there'd be a "Dan" in there somewhere.

I'm thankful Mr. Cheney was able to get away from all the troubles of the world and just take a weekend to relax and shoot his friend in the face.

After this, I don't think I've ever prayed so hard for a horrible man to stay alive. Long live George Bush!

Cheney certainly did not mean to shoot Whittington on purpose. He was imagining it was his gay daughter on the other end. Don't worry, he was just trying to shoot the gay off her.

Despite all the heart attacks and his decrepit appearance, Dick Cheney is not nearly as old as the man he shot.


Well, I've had a lot of fun at the expense of Dick Cheney, but hopefully this little exercise has helped you come to the realization, that the VICE PRESIDENT SHOT A MAN IN THE FACE!

Different Definition of Suicide

Kazakhstan's opposition leader Altynbek Sarsenbaiuly was found shot dead today. He is the second major Kazakh opposition leader to be shot dead since November.

The other, Zamanbek Nurkadilov, was shot three times, with wounds in his chest and head. Police say he committed suicide.

I'm wondering how a man can commit suicide by shooting himself in the chest and head three times. That seems a bit excessive. Plus, he's not shooting at a moving target, presumably. It would be hard to miss himself. After he shot himself in the head the first time, and realized he wasn’t dead, he must’ve been pretty embarrassed. “I can’t do anything right!” he thought, “Except become mayor of Almaty and rise to the status of a powerful voice for reform in my country. Man, I suck!”

Both of these slain leaders were former allies of President Nursultan Nazarbayev and then switched to the opposition because of his government's corruption. Maybe, in Kazakhstan, suicide means getting shot three times in the head and chest by political opponents. It’s just a difference of definition, not a massive government cover-up.

The Cartoons

A clash of civilizations (civilisations if you're British and can't understand American English) is not upon us. An offensive misunderstanding is a better term to describe the cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad and the reactions to them.

European newspaper editors claim they are exerting their right to free speech in printing these offensive and racist cartoons. Their argument covers up their anti-Muslim sentiment and their xenophobia. Clearly, a wider issue concerning Muslim immigrants living in Europe is at play here. The fact that these immigrants are Muslim is only a matter of fact, not the reason for Europe's increasing xenophobia.

On the other hand, it appears from the reaction, that Muslim protestors misunderstand who should be held responsible for these cartoons. The governments' of Europe, regardless of their attitude towards Muslims, have no control over what is printed under the law. The anger should be directed towards the cartoonist and the editors of the newspapers.

An Iranian newspaper is running a contest for the best Holocaust cartoon in the hopes of showing Europe how offensive the cartoons mocking the Prophet Muhammad truly are. This totally misses the point. Holocaust cartoons offend Jews certainly, but it would be like if you threw eggs at my house and I punched your next-door neighbor in the face. One has almost nothing to do with the other. The Iranian newspaper should stop picking on the Jews and focus on the real issues.

The religion of Islam forbids idolizing any of the prophets' images or representing G-d in any way, even if a flattering image is presented. Thus mocking the Prophet Muhammad is all that more offensive and really proves no point but to alienate Muslims. As offensive as these cartoons are, violence does not solve anything. A discussion of why these cartoons are offensive would serve Muslims better. Instead, it appears that the potential for a real conversation on the cultural differences between Europeans and Muslims has been lost.

2005-2006 NFL All H-duk Team

This is the tenth annual NFL All-H-duk Team. The numbers beside the names indicates how many times that player has made the team. If there is no number, this is their first selection. A * indicates that the player was on my fantasy team.

Head Coach: Ind- Tony Dungy

Quarterbacks: Ind- Peyton Manning 5th; NE Tom Brady; Cin- Carson Palmer*; Den- Jake Plummer.

Running Backs: Sea- Shaun Alexander; NYG- Tiki Barber 2nd; Ind- Edgerrin James 4th.

Fullbacks: KC- Tony Richardson 2nd; Sea- Mack Strong.

Wide Receivers: Car- Steve Smith; Ind- Marvin Harrison* 4th; Cin- Chad Johnson; Was- Santana Moss.

Tight Ends: SD- Antonio Gates 2nd; Was- Chris Cooley.

Offensive Line: Sea- Steve Hutchinson; Sea- Walter Jones; Ind- Jeff Saturday; Dal- Larry Allen 5th; KC- Willie Roaf 4th.

Defensive Line: Ind- Dwight Freeney 2nd; Atl- Rod Coleman; Car- Julius Peppers 2nd; Chi- Adewale Ogunleye.

Linebackers: Sea- Lofa Tatupu; TB- Derrick Brooks 6th; Chi- Brian Urlacher 4th; SD- Shaun Merriman; NE- Tedy Bruschi 2nd.

Secondary: Den- Champ Bailey 2nd; Pit- Troy Polamalu 2nd; Ind- Bob Sanders; Cin- Deltha O'Neal 2nd.

Kicker: Phi- David Akers 2nd.

Punter: Buf- Brian Moorman.

Kickoff Returner: Buf- Terrence McGee 2nd.

Punt Returner: Pit- Antwaan Randle-El.

Special Teams Cover Men: Pit- Chidi Iwuoma; NE- Ben Watson.

The Ben Controversy

To answer my critics (ok, my brother), this was the point I was making. We got one replay of the position of Ben's arm on the play in question. The replay was from far behind Ben. It was not conclusive. It's not like this was that pass that Frank Wysuck of the Titans threw 40 yards forward against the Bills in the playoffs. Some may know it as the Music City Miracle. I know it as the forward pass or the what the fuck that was a foward pass.

This play was close enough to review, at least by ABC. I just want to make sure he wasn't over the line, which he probably was.

Super Bowl XL Recap

The Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Seatle Seahawks 21-10 to win the franchises fifth Super Bowl championship, led by the game's MVP Hines Ward.


Seattle dominated much of the first half, holding the Steelers to zero first downs in the opening quarter. Despite the offensive and defensive domination, Seattle's largest lead at any one time was 3-0.

In the second quarter, Ben Roethlisberger scrambled and flipped the football overhand to Ward, creating something out of nothing. This play seemed to spark the Steelers offense. It led to a magnificent pass on third and long to Ward. The problem with the pass was Ben may have stepped over the line of scrimmage, voiding his great effort. ABC never showed a conclusive replay and it was surprising that more replays were not shown of that play.

It led to a quarterback scramble for a one yard touchdown. This play has been considered controversial, but it's very clear that Ben got the ball past the plane of the goal line while in the air. By the time he landed, the ball was short of the endzone, but he had already gave his team six points.

Seattle's final drive of the first half has been much maligned. I had no problem with the call of running Alexander with 40 seconds and one timeout in order to get closer to field goal range. What killed Seattle was they made no effort to stop the clock after the run. Hasselbeck made one mistake (we'll get to his second half interception in a moment) and it was audibling twice while the clock trickled towards ten seconds left in the half. At that moment, Seattle was forced to rely on a long field goal attempt.

Willie Parker started the second half with the Super Bowl's longest run in history, 75 yards. Halfway through the fourth quarter, Antwan Randle-El, the ex-college quarterback, threw a 43-yard pass into the arms of Hines Ward to give the Steelers a 21-10 lead that would not change.

Seattle almost had its chances in the second half. A huge interception by Kelly Herndon, who had not played well, turned the momentum around. Herndon's return was longest in Super Bowl history. A TD catch by Jerramy Stevens cut the lead to 14-10, but by then, Pittsburgh was in control. Stevens dropped several key passes and one he caught was called back. Stevens performance was indicative of the game.

The officiating was terrible. However, the couple of calls that have been highlighted are not the reason. First was Darrell Jackson's, who had a great first quarter, touchdown catch. He was called for pass interference. The replay showed he clearly pushed off in front of the official. As mentioned, Roethlisberger's touchdown was legit. It was his long pass before that was questionable.

Stevens catch at the one yard line, that would have given Seattle a great chance to win, was called back on a hold. At first, I had no problem with the call, but every expert seems to say it was not a hold, so I digress. Afterward, Hasselbeck through a pick that would not have happened, but for the holding call. Hasselbeck made a great tackle, but was called for a penalty for a clip, even though he tackled the man AND it was above the waste. It was really a horrible call that allowed Pittsburgh to begin with great field position. Ike Taylor, who picked the pass, redeemed himself from his poor performance to that point.

Another mistake happened on a Steelers' scoring drive. Ben called timeout, but the play clock had already hit zero. However, he was not penalized, but given the timeout.

However, Seattle contributed greatly to their own demise. They never could overcome these bad calls. In addition, they bungled their time management at the end of the game as well as the end of the first half. Matt Hasselbeck played really well. Shaun Alexander ran for 95 yards on 20 carries, which was solid. But neither side of the ball could make a big play. Punter Tom Rouen kicked the ball into the endzone like it was his job. His job is actually to kick it in front of the endzone.

Ben Roethlisberger didn't play great, but his performance was close to Elway’s in Super Bowl XXXII. He made the big play, whether it was a run, a pass, or a bloc, when it was needed. The defense bent but did not break. Parker and Jerome Bettis exploited the backup safety, Pruitt, who played awful.

In the end, Pittsburgh won ugly. But they wouldn't have it any other way. Congratulations to the Steelers.

Super Bowl Prediction

Super Bowl XL

Pittsburgh Steelers (14-5) vs Seattle Seahawks (15-3)

The Seattle Seahawks will meet the Pittsburgh Steelers later today in the 40th edition of the Super Bowl. While these two teams aren't sexy, it's a very interesting football matchup.


Most people think it will be a close game, because these teams have similar abilities. I've had trouble predicting who will win for the last two weeks, but I believe that it will be a blowout. The fact of the matter is that we don't know which version of each team will surface today. If it's the Seattle team that fumbled three times against Washington in the playoffs and lost Shaun Alexander for much of the game, the Seahawks won't win. However, if we see the offensive explosion and the turnover prone defense that Seattle showed in the NFC Championship against Carolina or on one fall Monday night against the Eagles, Seattle will win easily.

Conversly, if the risk-taking defense of Pittsburgh is successful and the Steelers are able to run the ball, Bill Cowher will have his first Super Bowl ring. If Ben Roethlisberger has to throw dropback passes because Willie Parker and Jerome Bettis are continuously stuffed at the line, and Troy Polamalu's chances come up futile, Pittsburgh will be blownout out of Ford Field.

Being a Miami Redhawks fan, I love Ben Roethlisberger. I'd be surprised if he isn't posed and ready to go. However, I think a weaker-than-usual Steelers defense will gamble and lose against Seattle's very underrated offense. Besides having Alexander the MVP, Matt Hasselbeck (not HasselbAck for Jesus' sake!) is Jake Plummer without the mistakes. That means he is very good. WR Darrell Jackson is virtually unknown, but look for him to have a big day. Joe Jurevicious will also come up clutch.

The poor defensive effort that Pittsburgh will show, will force Ben to do a little too much. He'll play well, but one mistake or two will be way too much. Seatlle will win 38-20. A pick and a couple sacks will have rookie linebacker Lofa Tatupu will be MVP.

Black On Black Crime

Donavan McNabb described former teammate Terrell Owens' criticisms of Donavan as "black on black crime." Obviously, McNabb has received a lot of flack for that comment. However, the critique of that comment has generally been on the belief that Owens' comments were not racially motivated.

Michael Irvin wondered aloud whether the Philadelphia Eagles would be considerably better with Brett Favre at quarterback than McNabb. When asked about that possibility, Owens agreed that Favre would be a better fit. McNabb claimed that he was hurt by the choice of a white quarterback. That led to his "black on black crime" comment.

It seems everyone is missing the problem with the whole situation. One rich man criticizing another rich man does not constitute a crime. Black on black crime is a serious concern for not only the black community, but also America, as it represents the inequality of opportunity in this country and its tragic results.

Regarding McNabb, besides his exaggerated comment, his overall point is important. McNabb is the target of an inordinate amount of criticism for the simple reason that he is a black man playing a position that was almost totally white less than ten years ago. Brett Favre had a miserable year, but because of his past accomplishments and his race he is given a free ride. Irvin and Owens clearly played to this fact in order to antagonize McNabb further.

McNabb was deemed a traitor to his race because he didn't run the ball enough from his quarterback position by the president of Philadelphia's NAACP chapter! As I wrote before, a former high school coach, who now substitute teaches in Montgomery County, stated that blacks aren't smart enough to play quarterback professionally, citing the few number of black quarterbacks. Race is still very much an issue with the NFL quarterback.

So, to those that claimed within the last day that, "I don't see Brett Favre as a white quarterback; I see him as the gold standard at that position." Guess what? He is a white quarterback. Just as Donovan McNabb is a black quarterback and has been treated as one his entire career.

To sum up: rich men criticizing each other is not a crime. More importantly, McNabb's large point is correct and he has been unfairly criticized by the media, players, and even the NAACP, because of his race.

Staying Up Late

Staying up late all this time has taught me one thing. The TV thinks I'm horny.

My One Year Aniversary

One year ago I started this blog with a gleam of hope in my eye and a whole lot of bitter bitter sarcasm for a wide range of different issues, events, people, places, things, etc.

I'd like to congratulate myself on a great year of "blogging" my inane opinions, offensive comments, and outrageous satire (outrageous!). And of course there was always a gleam in my eye and potato chips in my beard (not really).

We've taken on a lot of people this year (that 'we' refers to myself and you, the reader, not me and my imaginary friend, or properly stated, my imaginary friend and I), the president, Jesus, Ann Coulter, Hitler, Stephen Colbert, General Dipshit, Lou Dobbs, short women, John Bryant from St. Joseph's (his name was John right? I don't even care enough to look it up in my own blog), and war, hatred, and other bullshit like that.

Over this past year, I hope I've made you laugh a little, a bit upset at times, but always always keep in mind something inspirational that I probably should have closed with, but do I really have to do everything for you people?