Bill Richardson - A Closer Look

Bill Richardson is the governor of New Mexico and running for the Democratic nomination for president.

Here are some of Richardson's points that I like:

• Will Remove all troops from Iraq ASAP (6-8 months)
• Believes our presence in Iraq makes things worse
• Against wall on border with Mexico
• Would give a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants
• Would erase No Child Left Behind
• Universal healthcare and funding first reposnders
• Lift Cuban embargo
• Supports ENDA and would give same sex-partners benefits
• Supports gay marriage (questions chance of it passing now)

Here are some I don't like:

• Would reploy troops to Afghanistan
• Would punish employers for hiring illegal immigrants
• Pro-gun record and stance
• Pro-death penalty
• Said homosexuality is a choice and said gay slur on Imus show

Here are some irrelevant fun facts:

• As you can tell by his name, he's Latino
• Eats like there's no tomorrow, then does it again tomorrow
• During a debate for mothers, called his own mother "a whore"
• Thinks being a whore is a choice but has pro-whore record
• No quere the Taco Bell
• Middle name - Ned

Evil Leaders League, Season 2 in Review

We've had a great Evil Leaders League season. You've laughed, you've cried, but mostly you've said, "I don't get the reference and even if I did, I couldn't imagine how that'd be funny." Well, I think you're an asshole and so does our crop of eight evil competitors.

The Champion - Omar al-Bashir 6-1 (2-0) [all time: 11-3 (4-0)]
I spilled soda on the carpet not too long ago. That's not as bad as funding the jangaweed militia which is committing genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan. The continued genocide in Darfur is the reason why Omar al-Bashir took his second straight ELL title in season 2. He's not thrilled that the Christian south has autonomy either. I hope one day the people of Sudan will experience peace and happiness and Omar al-Bashir will spend the rest of his days sitting in the corner crying naked and fingering himself. For now al-Bashir is a champion.

No poll this season, but here are some of this season's best out of context quotes:

• In the end Kim Jong-Il won with 117% of the vote (margin of error +/- 17%).
• He's cock-blocked George Bush's foreign policy objectives so many times, Bush has resorted to jerking off to old tapes of Margaret Thatcher invading the Falkland Islands.
• He wants to "wipe Israel off the map" even though "Israel" isn't on any Iranian maps.
• He also contracted gonorrhea. Not a good week for Kim.
• The only evil thing al-Bashir has done lately was to restart his X-box in the 3rd quarter of Madden 07 during an ass-whipping at the hands of the newly appointed governor of South Darfur, Ali Mahmoud.
• Lukashenko continuously states an old Belarussian proverb, "There's an old saying in Osipovichi, I know it's in Minsk, it's probably in Osipovichi, that says 'When a Pole is killed, my penis grows 3 inches.... Hahahahahahaha!!!! ... Do you get it? Polish people dying gives me an erection.... How come nobody's laughing?'"
• Kim reportedly looks emaciated due to a hunger strike until the Trix rabbit gets to eat some cereal.
• His record doesn't compare to the carnage Omar al-Bashir has on his hands (not literally, as al-Bashir washes regularly).
• With all of this killing, there might not be any people left in Sudan before long. That would hurt Omar al-Bashir in the ELL, because it's hard to be evil without people.
• Never underestimate a small penis' role in creating an evil leader.
  

Last season's winner: Fidel Castro no longer has control over Cuba and reportedly has an artificial anus. A good way to lose in the ELL is to have things shoved up your ass.

The Challengers
Hugo Chavez 4-3 (1-1) [9-5 (1-2)] - He's got a kind of anti-imperialist type of evilness. It's been working for him. His next step needs to be cutting off the balls of dissedents.
Vladimir Putin 6-1 (0-1) - He had a surprisingly evil season. Putin did his best Soviet Union impression. Those were some evil times. I miss them.
Kim Jong-Il 4-3 (0-1) [9-5 (1-2)] - He spent this season makeingconcessions and starving his people, hence the mixed reviews. Still better than the reviews of his karaoke performances.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 3-4 [8-6 (0-1)] - He's been called the Hitler of this generation. If that's true, this generation sucks. He is not the leader of his country and makes meaningless threats against the US and Israel, which is like me threatening Shaquille O'Neal (keep in mind that I'm a short Jew). Ahmadinejad is like Hitler in one way, he's short (like me!).

The Relegated
Islam Karimov 3-4 - Lost a run-off match to Ahmadinejad. Turns out boiling people isn't evil enough.
Alexander Lukashenko 2-5 [6-8] - He had a nice run. Maybe he'll come back in a couple of seasons with a new sense of evil purpose.
Nicolas Sarkozy 0-7 - Turns out the leader of France is not so evil. He's a pro-American ruler of a relatively friendly nation. Maybe calls to boycott France were a tad overblown and insane.

Some Facts and Figures:
Uses of the word during the second ELL season -
some variation of "fuck" 6 times; some variation of "ass" 3 times; some variation of "shit" 3 times; "evil" 36 times; "pope" twice; "jerking off" once; "genocide" 10 times.
5 people will return for next season.
3 people won't be back for next season
2 references to the evil French Empire.
2 evil leaders tied for 5th.
1 reference to X-box, the Detroit Lions, and the Falkland Islands.

Join us next season for more Evil Leaders League action.

An Open Letter to the President of Columbia

Dear President Bollinger,

I am writing to you today about your introduction of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Let me begin by telling you that I am Jewish and my maternal grandparents survived the Holocaust. I believe that your introduction of President Ahmadinejad was irresponsible. First and foremost my grandparents taught me to be respectful of others and your speech failed to express that towards your guest.

My grandparents also taught me to speak out against injustice, but it is imperative to be accurate. You described Mr. Ahmadinejad as a “petty and cruel dictator.” Mr. Ahmadinejad became president through democratic elections, can only serve two four-year terms, and has less power than Ayatollah Khamenei. Thus Mr. Ahmadinejad is not a dictator and describing him as such shifts the discussion away from his policies.

More importantly, the list of grievances and insults you cast at Mr. Ahmadinejad made it very easy for him to answer. You charged him with out-of-context criticisms that are unchallenged in the United States, but not necessarily reality. You should have criticized him for holding a Holocaust deniers conference, not for his opinion on the matter which is in his control. You should have questioned his statement about wiping Israel off the map by inquiring how that can be done when Israel isn’t on any Iranian maps.

Above all of this, your speech gave Mr. Ahmadinejad a level of power that he cannot achieve without Western criticism. He runs a country with little military clout in the world. Iran does not have nuclear weapons while Israel and the United States do have them. Iran poses little threat to Israel. Mr. Ahmadinejad knows this and makes his idle statements for domestic political reasons. People like you play into the perception of power that makes Mr. Ahmadinejad relevant on a global stage. I am asking you to be more careful in the future. Thank you for you time.

Sincerely,
The HarazQuack Times

Joe Biden - A Closer Look

Joe Biden is a senator from Delaware and running for the Democratic nomination for president.

Here are some of Biden's points that I like:

• Wants to bring most troops home
• Concerned about Darfur
• Healthcare coverage for all children and catastrophic care
• Gov't guarantee employers pay pensions
• Automatic enrollment in 401K, can option out
• Knowledgeable about environmental issues:
• Promotes cellulosic ethanol and 40 MPG by 2017

Here are some I don't like:

• Plan for 3 semi-autonomous states in Iraq, which would coagulate sectarian tensions
• Leader on supplemental funding bill, wants to spend more than Republicans
• Would leave 50,000 troops in Iraq
• Wants US troops in Darfur
• Wants to build a wall on Mexican border
• Look to states for universal healthcare coverage, not federal
• No same-sex marriages, only civil unions

Here are some irrelevant fun facts:

• Actually uses a fake Indian accent when in 7-11
• Thinks Bill Richardson is a pussy and told him so
• Wants to put a wall around Bill Richardson
• Wrote a paper in school saying Frederick Douglass was unclean and inarticulate
• Gets into shouting matches with crying babies
• Likes kittens.

Bye Bye RFK

The last Washington Nationals game ever at RFK was played earlier today. The Nats came to DC in 2005 and RFK Stadium has been their home for the past three years. It hosted Washington Senators games until they left in 1971.

It marks the end of a lot of personal memories over the last three years. I remember going to the fifth game at RFK and sitting in my assigned seat in rightfield, unable to see the giant scoreboard, or any pop fly. It was the last time I sat there.

I remember going to a couple of magnificent John Smoltz vs John Patterson battles. I saw Roger Clemens pitch a 14-2 win and Dontrelle Willis won 12-1. I saw a certain player who left after last year hit 3 homers in one game. I've sat in the front row once when my mom got tickets and another time when it rained and no one was there. I remember sitting in centerfield while it was raining one day and a waterfall formed racing down the steps, barely missing my seat.

I remember when Ryan Zimmerman first came up in September of 2005 and even played a little shortstop (not well I might add). I remember after a Zimmerman game-winning hit, he said on television, "I'm gonna go home and take a nap." I remember watching Ross Detwiler throwing out his first pitch; it was of the ceremonial variety and it pitifully bounced before crossing the plate.

RFK wasn't the best stadium (it might be the worst) but it was ours and it was the stadium that gave the DC area major league baseball for the first time since I've been alive. In the only stadium named after a political figure, D'Angelo Jimenez had the last Nats homerun on Tuesday. I was there. The Phillies' Chase Utley had the last homer, and scored the last run in the stadium's history. Aaron Rowand had the last RBI. Brian Schneider knocked in Kearns to add a few Nats lasts. Luis Ayala got the win, Antonio Alfonseca got the loss, and Chad Cordero got the save in a game where Joel Hanrahan started for the Nats and Cole Hamels for the Phillies. The Nats won 5-3.

The Nats end their tenure at RFK with a 122-121 record.

Ramadan & Yom Kippur

Today, Muslims will continue their fast during the month of Ramadan and Jews will be fasting for Yom Kippur. I hope we can all take a moment out of the day to think about the other group and that we are going through the same experience.

Salaam Shalom Peace

Blame the Government

In August of 2002, swastikas were spray painted on my house and on my car and the latter was tagged with word kike. A policeman came to the house and dismissed the incident, saying it was most likely done by kids. I believe that the government did this because they didn't like my outspoken anti-war stance since 2001 and they wanted to instill fear in my family.

Numerous synagogues have been tagged since then in the DC area. Jews are overwhelmingly liberal and even those that are conservative and most concerned about Israel now know that the war in Iraq has made Israel far more vulnerable. The government was hoping to scare us Jews into supporting their war. It hasn't worked. END THE WAR NOW!

Blacks vs Jews, Presidents

In the friendly competition between blacks and Jews, we'll examine the presidents of the United States from each group.











Overall standing: Blacks 4 Jews 2
The fact is every United States president has been a white Christian man. Only three have been homosexual, including one of the last three Republican presidents.

Blacks vs Jews, PTI

In this version of the friendly competition between blacks and Jews, we'll look at the two hosts of the ESPN program Pardon the Interruption, Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser.

Tony Kornheiser is a writer for the Washington Post and an announcer on Monday Night Football.

Michael Wilbon is a writer for the Washington Post and an analyst on ABC's NBA coverage.

I like both the same but different. There will be no winner.

Overall Standings: Black 4 Jews 2

Race Trader

On this very blog a neo-nazi called me a "race trader." Quite possibly he meant to say "race traitor," which would be just as bizarre since I'm a Jew and I'm pretty sure we're not considered aryan in neo-nazi circles. But that made me think, what if I was a race trader? Here's one trade I would make:

I get:
Cornel West, Talib Kweli, bell hooks.

You get:
Chris Benoit, Andrea Yates, Rush Limbaugh, Gary Ridgway, Donald Rumsfeld.