Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Snow
I know what you're thinking. A Jewish guy, living in the Washington DC area, covered by two successive storms probably accumulating around 50 inches, been shoveling snow every day since last Friday, lost power on Saturday, been cooped up in the house for the better part of a week, and you're expecting me to complain. Well, I'm not here to fit your little stereotypes of Jews, you filthy bigoted parasite. Why don't you take off your white hood and say that to my face or are you too much of a neo-nazi son of a semen guzzler. Oh, I'm sorry you can't fit me in your warped box of sick generalities. People like you disgust me. You can't for one minute challenge your own preconceptions of others. Why don't you just drop dead.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Give Palin A Break
Sarah Palin's been getting a lot of flack for writing notes on her hand before a speech to the Tea Partiers. In her defense, for a Republican leader, remembering to "Lift American Spirits" can be more difficult than a third grade science test.
But, as a Republican, she probably should've remembered about cutting taxes. It's pretty much their solution for everything. Recession? Cut taxes. Two wars? Cut taxes. Sore throat? Cut taxes.
What is not being reported is the reminder Sarah Palin wrote to herself on her other hand, "Don't say 'retard' unless it's satire."
But, as a Republican, she probably should've remembered about cutting taxes. It's pretty much their solution for everything. Recession? Cut taxes. Two wars? Cut taxes. Sore throat? Cut taxes.
What is not being reported is the reminder Sarah Palin wrote to herself on her other hand, "Don't say 'retard' unless it's satire."
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
2009-2010 All H-duk Team
This is the fourteenth annual NFL All-H-duk Team. The numbers beside the names indicates how many times that player has made the team. If there is no number, this is their first selection.
Head Coach: NO - Sean Payton
Quarterbacks: NO- Drew Brees 3rd; Ind- Peyton Manning 9th; Min- Brett Favre 7th.
Running Backs: Ten- Chris Johnson; Bal- Ray Rice; Min- Adrian Peterson 3rd.
Fullbacks: NE- Kevin Faulk.
Wide Receivers: Ind- Reggie Wayne 3rd; Dal- Miles Austin; Phi- DeSean Jackson; Ari- Larry Fitzgerald 2nd;.
Tight Ends: Ind- Dallas Clark.
Offensive Line: NYJ- D'Brickashaw Ferguson; NO- Jahari Evans; NYJ- Nick Mangold; Min- Steve Hutchinson 4th; Phi- Jason Peters 2nd.
Defensive Line: Min- Jared Allen 3rd; Bal- Haloti Ngata; Min- Pat Williams; Phi- Trent Cole.
Linebackers: Bal- Ray Lewis 8th; NO- Jonathan Vilma; Cin- Dahani Jones; Dal- Demarcus Ware 2nd;
Secondary: NYJ- Darrelle Rivus; GB- Charles Woodson 2nd; Ari- Adrian Wilson; Ind- Antoine Bethea.
Kicker: NYJ- Jay Feely
Punter: Min- Chris Kluwe
Kick Returner: Cle- Joshua Cribbs 2nd
Punt Returner: Phi-DeSean Jackson
Special Teams Cover Men: NO- Courtney Roby; SD- Kassim Osgood 2nd
Head Coach: NO - Sean Payton
Quarterbacks: NO- Drew Brees 3rd; Ind- Peyton Manning 9th; Min- Brett Favre 7th.
Running Backs: Ten- Chris Johnson; Bal- Ray Rice; Min- Adrian Peterson 3rd.
Fullbacks: NE- Kevin Faulk.
Wide Receivers: Ind- Reggie Wayne 3rd; Dal- Miles Austin; Phi- DeSean Jackson; Ari- Larry Fitzgerald 2nd;.
Tight Ends: Ind- Dallas Clark.
Offensive Line: NYJ- D'Brickashaw Ferguson; NO- Jahari Evans; NYJ- Nick Mangold; Min- Steve Hutchinson 4th; Phi- Jason Peters 2nd.
Defensive Line: Min- Jared Allen 3rd; Bal- Haloti Ngata; Min- Pat Williams; Phi- Trent Cole.
Linebackers: Bal- Ray Lewis 8th; NO- Jonathan Vilma; Cin- Dahani Jones; Dal- Demarcus Ware 2nd;
Secondary: NYJ- Darrelle Rivus; GB- Charles Woodson 2nd; Ari- Adrian Wilson; Ind- Antoine Bethea.
Kicker: NYJ- Jay Feely
Punter: Min- Chris Kluwe
Kick Returner: Cle- Joshua Cribbs 2nd
Punt Returner: Phi-DeSean Jackson
Special Teams Cover Men: NO- Courtney Roby; SD- Kassim Osgood 2nd
Monday, February 08, 2010
Recap of Super Bowl XLIV
This game came down to one courageous coach. Towards the end of the first half, with his team down 10-3, Saints coach Sean Payton kept his offense out on the field on 4th and goal from the 1. The move failed. I thought it was the wrong decision only because there wasn't enough time on the second quarter clock to affect field position if they came up short.
It's 3rd and 1 deep in Colts territory and less than a minute to go in the half. Payton takes a risk and calls his team's second timeout. I thought it was the wrong decision again. If Peyton Manning throws a 30 yard completion, the Colts are in business and Payton looks like a moron. Instead, the Saints stop the Colts running attack. The Saints get good field position on the ensuing punt and, after a couple of pass plays, get a field goal out of it.
So the Saints came away with the three points they would've had otherwise. But. Manning was reduced to three handoffs in the interim. Always a positive for any Colts opponent.
To start the second half, Payton made his biggest call of the season. A surprise onside led to a Saints recovery. I didn't agree with that decision either. In resulted in quarterback Drew Brees waking up and driving his team to the end zone. The Saints took a 13-10 lead. Brees ended the game by tying a Super Bowl record 32 completions. It was the first attempted onside kick before the 4th quarter in a Super Bowl.
When Manning came back onto the field, he hadn't completed a pass in 70 minutes of real time. That didn't matter. His team scored a touchdown on the drive. Running back Joseph Addai has an uncharacteristically strong game. Dallas Clark was Manning's main receiving threat on this day.
The Saints offense didn't wither away. Brees had gained his rhythm by that point. New Orleans closed the lead to within one with another field goal. After some possession trading, the Saints finally broke through with a touchdown and a two point conversion halfway through the fourth quarter. That set up a familiar scene. Peyton Manning with 6 minutes to go, his team down by 7. Was there any doubt that he'd take his team in for the game-tying score? Only Saints cornerback Tracy Porter questioned the outcome. After sustaining a predictably effective drive, Porter shockingly broke on a Manning pass, picked it, and took it to the house.
New Orleans was up 31-17 faster than you could google "Tracy Porter." Things were looking down for the Colts magical ending. Manning drove down to the Saints goal line, but wasn't able to punch it in on 4th and goal. He had called a timeout late in the drive, which sealed the outcome.
Drew Brees was named Super Bowl MVP. The Saints tied the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history (10 points). And Sean Payton earned a bit of job security.
Favorite commercial: I liked the promo with David Letterman, Oprah, and Jay Leno the best.
It's 3rd and 1 deep in Colts territory and less than a minute to go in the half. Payton takes a risk and calls his team's second timeout. I thought it was the wrong decision again. If Peyton Manning throws a 30 yard completion, the Colts are in business and Payton looks like a moron. Instead, the Saints stop the Colts running attack. The Saints get good field position on the ensuing punt and, after a couple of pass plays, get a field goal out of it.
So the Saints came away with the three points they would've had otherwise. But. Manning was reduced to three handoffs in the interim. Always a positive for any Colts opponent.
To start the second half, Payton made his biggest call of the season. A surprise onside led to a Saints recovery. I didn't agree with that decision either. In resulted in quarterback Drew Brees waking up and driving his team to the end zone. The Saints took a 13-10 lead. Brees ended the game by tying a Super Bowl record 32 completions. It was the first attempted onside kick before the 4th quarter in a Super Bowl.
When Manning came back onto the field, he hadn't completed a pass in 70 minutes of real time. That didn't matter. His team scored a touchdown on the drive. Running back Joseph Addai has an uncharacteristically strong game. Dallas Clark was Manning's main receiving threat on this day.
The Saints offense didn't wither away. Brees had gained his rhythm by that point. New Orleans closed the lead to within one with another field goal. After some possession trading, the Saints finally broke through with a touchdown and a two point conversion halfway through the fourth quarter. That set up a familiar scene. Peyton Manning with 6 minutes to go, his team down by 7. Was there any doubt that he'd take his team in for the game-tying score? Only Saints cornerback Tracy Porter questioned the outcome. After sustaining a predictably effective drive, Porter shockingly broke on a Manning pass, picked it, and took it to the house.
New Orleans was up 31-17 faster than you could google "Tracy Porter." Things were looking down for the Colts magical ending. Manning drove down to the Saints goal line, but wasn't able to punch it in on 4th and goal. He had called a timeout late in the drive, which sealed the outcome.
Drew Brees was named Super Bowl MVP. The Saints tied the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history (10 points). And Sean Payton earned a bit of job security.
Favorite commercial: I liked the promo with David Letterman, Oprah, and Jay Leno the best.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Super Bowl XLIV Preview
New Orleans Saints (15-3) vs. Indianapolis Colts (16-2)
Both teams started the year 13-0, so this is a contest between the two teams who have been the best in their respective conferences for the entire season. The Colts have a good number of holdovers from their Super Bowl victory three years ago. They make the playoffs every year. For the Saints, this is all new.
Sometimes experience can be overrated. But, practically, it's about comfort level. If you've been in the situation before, it's less likely to get the better of you. That doesn't matter if the inexperienced team is that much better than the one who has been there before. But that's not the case here.
The Saints offense is proficient because there are so many weapons. The defense can't key in on one Saint if it hopes to curtail the New Orleans attack. But here's the thing, if you rep[lace the word Saints with Colts, those last two sentences still work. The Saints have a better running game, but defensively, struggle to stop the run more than the Colts do.
The Saints defense creates more turnovers, but gives up more big plays. It could come down to a matter of big plays when the Colts have the ball. Peyton Manning doesn't make many mistakes, however. The game could also come down to dirty play. Publically, the Saints defensive strategy seems to be revolving around hitting Manning, even illegally. But Manning is aware enough to avoid the big hit. And even if he is tagged, he's just about the most durable quarterback there is.
The Colts will win 31-24. Manning will be MVP. It's still rare for a team to win a Super Bowl and then for the same team to lose in a few years later. In the Super Bowl, championship experience tends to matter. And so does having the best player in the league.
Both teams started the year 13-0, so this is a contest between the two teams who have been the best in their respective conferences for the entire season. The Colts have a good number of holdovers from their Super Bowl victory three years ago. They make the playoffs every year. For the Saints, this is all new.
Sometimes experience can be overrated. But, practically, it's about comfort level. If you've been in the situation before, it's less likely to get the better of you. That doesn't matter if the inexperienced team is that much better than the one who has been there before. But that's not the case here.
The Saints offense is proficient because there are so many weapons. The defense can't key in on one Saint if it hopes to curtail the New Orleans attack. But here's the thing, if you rep[lace the word Saints with Colts, those last two sentences still work. The Saints have a better running game, but defensively, struggle to stop the run more than the Colts do.
The Saints defense creates more turnovers, but gives up more big plays. It could come down to a matter of big plays when the Colts have the ball. Peyton Manning doesn't make many mistakes, however. The game could also come down to dirty play. Publically, the Saints defensive strategy seems to be revolving around hitting Manning, even illegally. But Manning is aware enough to avoid the big hit. And even if he is tagged, he's just about the most durable quarterback there is.
The Colts will win 31-24. Manning will be MVP. It's still rare for a team to win a Super Bowl and then for the same team to lose in a few years later. In the Super Bowl, championship experience tends to matter. And so does having the best player in the league.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Rickles in Hot Water
Don Rickles is in trouble for comments he made last week at a comedy club. Rickles was quoted as joking about famed terrorist Osama bin Laden. "That bin Laden is a hockey puck. He eats cheese like a Puerto Rican," Mr. Rickles joshed.
The condemnation was immediate. Several audience members booed. One man stood up and walked out, yelling at the stage that Mr. Rickles had "crossed the line" The comedian reacted by making a goofy face and asking the man, "What, is your short bus about to leave?"
Former head of Focus on the Family, James Dobson, called Mr. Rickles's comments, "deplorable." Senator Scott Brown asserted that they were "classless." A representative from the ACLU said, "This is why there should be limits on free speech."
The Council for Concerned Puerto Ricans put out a press release reading in part, "Puerto Ricans eat cheese in the same fashion as any other group of Americans." Mike Green, a hockey player for the Washington Capitals, asked that Mr. Rickles "respect the line separating hockey and politics." Actor, director, and producer Mel Gibson said Mr. Rickles's comments were "typical of a Jew."
Don Rickles has been defiant in the wave of criticism pouring down on him. He has refused to apologize. "If I say sorry to every schmuck I've offended, I'd have to apologize more than a Chinese traffic cop." Chinese Communist Party General Secretary Hu Jintao responded, "A 'Chinese people drive poorly' joke? How original! What is this, 1953?"
Congress has been mulling over whether or not to issue an apology to the true victim of this incident, Osama bin Laden. Some have asked privately whether an official apology would be enough or has the damage already been done.
Mr. bin Laden did not immediately return an email for comment.
The condemnation was immediate. Several audience members booed. One man stood up and walked out, yelling at the stage that Mr. Rickles had "crossed the line" The comedian reacted by making a goofy face and asking the man, "What, is your short bus about to leave?"
Former head of Focus on the Family, James Dobson, called Mr. Rickles's comments, "deplorable." Senator Scott Brown asserted that they were "classless." A representative from the ACLU said, "This is why there should be limits on free speech."
The Council for Concerned Puerto Ricans put out a press release reading in part, "Puerto Ricans eat cheese in the same fashion as any other group of Americans." Mike Green, a hockey player for the Washington Capitals, asked that Mr. Rickles "respect the line separating hockey and politics." Actor, director, and producer Mel Gibson said Mr. Rickles's comments were "typical of a Jew."
Don Rickles has been defiant in the wave of criticism pouring down on him. He has refused to apologize. "If I say sorry to every schmuck I've offended, I'd have to apologize more than a Chinese traffic cop." Chinese Communist Party General Secretary Hu Jintao responded, "A 'Chinese people drive poorly' joke? How original! What is this, 1953?"
Congress has been mulling over whether or not to issue an apology to the true victim of this incident, Osama bin Laden. Some have asked privately whether an official apology would be enough or has the damage already been done.
Mr. bin Laden did not immediately return an email for comment.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Take Over Haiti?
A recent Washington Post article claimed that Haitians want the U.S. to take over the country. The story originally ran as Haitians Implore U.S. to 'take over' but was changed to As food distribution improves, Haitians want U.S to 'take over'.
The original article claims that Haitians want the U.S. to take over based on a couple of quotes from people on the street. It portrays the U.S. as reluctant helpers, in Haiti for solely humanitarian reasons.
Venezuela, Ecuador, and Bolivia claim that the U.S. is using humanitarian aid as cover to take over the country. Those three countries have used every opportunity to paint the U.S. as an imperial power, but the history of U.S.-Haitian relations fits that narrative. Between 1868-1990, U.S. gunboats were sent to Haiti 28 times (Williams, US-Grenada Relations, pg. 8. He cites Musicant, The Banana Wars). The U.S. military has been in Haiti since then as well. From 1915-1934, the U.S. military ran Haiti.
There is no doubt that the Haitian government is incapable of providing desperately needed services to its beleaguered populace. The U.S. is the most able entity to fill that gap. After emergency aid is given, the question becomes, what will the U.S. do next? Will the U.S. use this tragedy to exploit Haiti as a cheap source of labor, or will Haiti be given a chance to succeed finally free of imperialists, interventions, and irresponsible leaders?
(The HQT-IE)
The original article claims that Haitians want the U.S. to take over based on a couple of quotes from people on the street. It portrays the U.S. as reluctant helpers, in Haiti for solely humanitarian reasons.
Venezuela, Ecuador, and Bolivia claim that the U.S. is using humanitarian aid as cover to take over the country. Those three countries have used every opportunity to paint the U.S. as an imperial power, but the history of U.S.-Haitian relations fits that narrative. Between 1868-1990, U.S. gunboats were sent to Haiti 28 times (Williams, US-Grenada Relations, pg. 8. He cites Musicant, The Banana Wars). The U.S. military has been in Haiti since then as well. From 1915-1934, the U.S. military ran Haiti.
There is no doubt that the Haitian government is incapable of providing desperately needed services to its beleaguered populace. The U.S. is the most able entity to fill that gap. After emergency aid is given, the question becomes, what will the U.S. do next? Will the U.S. use this tragedy to exploit Haiti as a cheap source of labor, or will Haiti be given a chance to succeed finally free of imperialists, interventions, and irresponsible leaders?
(The HQT-IE)
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
A Roundtable of Haitian-American Athletes and Speidi
Moderator: Welcome to our roundtable. Today we will be discussing the Haitian earthquake. With us are Haitian-American athletes including football players Pierre Garçon and Jonathan Vilma, who are both participating in this weekend's Super Bowl, boxer Andre Berto, and basketball player Samuel Dalembert. Sam was born and raised in Haiti. Also joining us are Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag for some reason. Welcome all.
Everyone: Thank you.
Moderator: This has been a horrific tragedy. How have you all been holding up since it happened? Let's start with Andre.
Andre: I am mentally and physically exhausted.
Samuel: I basically feel helpless. I’ve been trying to reach family, friends, and other people to know to see if they’re OK. But Haiti isn’t like here. Getting a hold of people isn’t always that easy. Knowing what has happened, it’s even harder.
Pierre: Tell you the truth I sleep with CNN on. Every time there's breaking news, I'm trying to find out.
Moderator: What have you all been able to do to help?
Pierre: We're still trying to get food, medicine and water. They need a lot of rice, lot of clean water, lot of medicine. Probably medicine is the most important thing right now.
Samuel: I'm doing my best. I'll take another trip with UNICEF. So we can try to get all those children out there. You know, we have parents who have been trying to adopt for two or three years.
Jonathan: I’m so focused in on doing something that feels almost selfish, because I can’t be helping and I can’t help my family.
Moderator: It must be tough to have to keep going on while so many people are suffering?
Samuel: It’s so tough because I’m here and there hasn’t been much I can do.
Pierre: I try to use it as motivation. The people would be mad at me if I went out there and played terribly, had a bad game. I'm representing them.
Moderator: I'm almost scared to ask, but Spencer and Heidi, I heard you made a trip to Haiti. What were you thinking about when you went there?
Heidi: It's kinda like a spa vacation without the spa.
Spencer: I'm too rich and I'm too famous to be sitting with these people and cleaning up their shit.
Heidi: My husband is a very new Christian, so he is working very hard on his temper and stuff.
Moderator: I understand. And once you got there?
Heidi: I thought I was walking into Punk’d or getting killed or something.
Spencer: This is what Hell looks like. I actually feel like I'm hallucinating, but Heidi really wanted me there for backup. She was like, "This is a setup."
Moderator: Um. Thoughts, guys?
Samuel: I saw somebody's leg amputated in front of me. Surgeries performed on a kitchen table. I'm talking about a folding kitchen table. I have some disturbing pictures. And it hurts. There was no surgery room. You heard him screaming. Not enough alcohol. Things we take for granted, you know. They try to make one bottle of alcohol last.
Andre: I lost several family members to the earthquake.
Heidi: This is borderline torture. I would do this to Al Qaeda.
Moderator: Wow. Wow. People are pouring out their heart... I don't know who... well, let's bring this to a close. Do you have any finals thoughts on the tragedy in Haiti?
Pierre: Haiti is a tough country, they are tough people.
Andre: I'm devastated by everything currently happening in Haiti. As everybody knows, I have a lot of family members in Haiti and proudly represented Haiti in the 2004 Olympic Games. I have seen the pain in my parents’ eyes as they attempt to understand what has happened to our homeland and recognize a place they once called home. I hope that everyone will continue to keep the Haitian people in their thoughts and prayers as we work to rebuild this proud nation.
Samuel: One thing really touched my heart the most is all the children. A lot of homeless children. The situation is so critical.
Jonathan: It’s tragic to hear what happened, but the best thing I’ve seen or heard or read about it is everyone’s really trying to come and help.
Spencer: It’s so organic. And this is just the...
Moderator: Ok, thank you, that's enough, good bye.
Heidi: I’m ready for a nap.
Everyone: Thank you.
Moderator: This has been a horrific tragedy. How have you all been holding up since it happened? Let's start with Andre.
Andre: I am mentally and physically exhausted.
Samuel: I basically feel helpless. I’ve been trying to reach family, friends, and other people to know to see if they’re OK. But Haiti isn’t like here. Getting a hold of people isn’t always that easy. Knowing what has happened, it’s even harder.
Pierre: Tell you the truth I sleep with CNN on. Every time there's breaking news, I'm trying to find out.
Moderator: What have you all been able to do to help?
Pierre: We're still trying to get food, medicine and water. They need a lot of rice, lot of clean water, lot of medicine. Probably medicine is the most important thing right now.
Samuel: I'm doing my best. I'll take another trip with UNICEF. So we can try to get all those children out there. You know, we have parents who have been trying to adopt for two or three years.
Jonathan: I’m so focused in on doing something that feels almost selfish, because I can’t be helping and I can’t help my family.
Moderator: It must be tough to have to keep going on while so many people are suffering?
Samuel: It’s so tough because I’m here and there hasn’t been much I can do.
Pierre: I try to use it as motivation. The people would be mad at me if I went out there and played terribly, had a bad game. I'm representing them.
Moderator: I'm almost scared to ask, but Spencer and Heidi, I heard you made a trip to Haiti. What were you thinking about when you went there?
Heidi: It's kinda like a spa vacation without the spa.
Spencer: I'm too rich and I'm too famous to be sitting with these people and cleaning up their shit.
Heidi: My husband is a very new Christian, so he is working very hard on his temper and stuff.
Moderator: I understand. And once you got there?
Heidi: I thought I was walking into Punk’d or getting killed or something.
Spencer: This is what Hell looks like. I actually feel like I'm hallucinating, but Heidi really wanted me there for backup. She was like, "This is a setup."
Moderator: Um. Thoughts, guys?
Samuel: I saw somebody's leg amputated in front of me. Surgeries performed on a kitchen table. I'm talking about a folding kitchen table. I have some disturbing pictures. And it hurts. There was no surgery room. You heard him screaming. Not enough alcohol. Things we take for granted, you know. They try to make one bottle of alcohol last.
Andre: I lost several family members to the earthquake.
Heidi: This is borderline torture. I would do this to Al Qaeda.
Moderator: Wow. Wow. People are pouring out their heart... I don't know who... well, let's bring this to a close. Do you have any finals thoughts on the tragedy in Haiti?
Pierre: Haiti is a tough country, they are tough people.
Andre: I'm devastated by everything currently happening in Haiti. As everybody knows, I have a lot of family members in Haiti and proudly represented Haiti in the 2004 Olympic Games. I have seen the pain in my parents’ eyes as they attempt to understand what has happened to our homeland and recognize a place they once called home. I hope that everyone will continue to keep the Haitian people in their thoughts and prayers as we work to rebuild this proud nation.
Samuel: One thing really touched my heart the most is all the children. A lot of homeless children. The situation is so critical.
Jonathan: It’s tragic to hear what happened, but the best thing I’ve seen or heard or read about it is everyone’s really trying to come and help.
Spencer: It’s so organic. And this is just the...
Moderator: Ok, thank you, that's enough, good bye.
Heidi: I’m ready for a nap.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Obama's Apology to Jeb Hensarling
Hi, you've reached Congressman Jeb Hensarling's office. We are unable to take your call at the moment. Please leave a message and either I or my staff will try to get back to you as soon as possible.
Uhhhhh, look, Jim, I'm sorry I called you by the wrong name at the, uhhhh, Republican caucus up in Baltimore. I hope we can come together in the spirit of bipartisanship to work on cutting down the deficit in the coming years. Alright? Thanks, Jim. And may God bless the United States of America.
Uhhhhh, look, Jim, I'm sorry I called you by the wrong name at the, uhhhh, Republican caucus up in Baltimore. I hope we can come together in the spirit of bipartisanship to work on cutting down the deficit in the coming years. Alright? Thanks, Jim. And may God bless the United States of America.
Monday, February 01, 2010
ELL, Season 7, Week 2
I wonder what percentage of evil leaders had big titties when they were little boys. Maybe there's some kind of little boy titties to evilness correlation. Somebody's got to do a study on this. I nominate Kansas State.
Shwe vs Kim
Burmese ruler Than Shwe recently decreed that, when it comes to elections, it's Myanmar not Youranmar. He has the sharing habits of a kindergartener. However, Shwe has said that he will release democracy advocate and former candidate Aung San Suu Kyi in November. Just in time for sweeps! And just in time for Suu Kyi to congratulate the winner of Myanmar's first election since she won twenty years ago. North Korea, led by Kim Jong-Il, is going to test missiles yet again. This does nothing to counter the stereotype that Asians love tests.
In debt? Maybe viewing the winners of this week's Evil Leaders League contests will cheer you up. But probably not. Good luck with that.
Berlusconi vs Morales
The Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, who's had more cosmetic surgeries than the cast of The Hills, is in the middle a of corruption scandal. Jay Leno is the host of The Tonight Show. What is this, 1994? Well no, 'cause then Berlusconi's mistress would only be 4 years old. While watching Evo Morales's second inauguration as the president of Bolivia, I forgot he was a radical anti-American socialist. Mostly because I was focusing on how distinctly Indian he looks. Plus I don't speak Spanish, so who knows what the hell he was saying.
al-Bashir vs Ahmadinejad
Everyone knows Omar al-Bashir and Tiger Woods have had PR problems of late. But did you know they both hired the same publicist? Unfortunately the publicist got confused, which is why Omar al-Bashir recently checked himself into sex rehab and Tiger Woods declared that he would honor the results of a referendum on southern Sudan's self-determination scheduled for 2011.
As was the case with George W. Bush, Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was elected president amid controversy over hanging chads- especially if chad is a pseudonym for Iranian opposition activists. Ahmadinejad's just lucky he hung people and not dogs, or else PETA would be on his ass. And he'd have to serve jail time, too.
Karzai vs Obiang
Afghanistan's Hamid Karzai reinstated human rights violator Abdul Rashid Dostum over the West's objections.
THIS JUST IN: General Dostum reportedly has inappropriate pictures of Hamid Karzai. An inside source familiar with one photo claims that, in the depiction, Karzai has exchanged his trademark karakul hat and emerald green cape for a sequined one-piece, sunglasses, and a jheri curl in an apparent tribute to Michael Jackson. In the snapshot, Karzai is grabbing his crotch with his gloved hand and saluting with the other, tears streaming down his cheeks.
In granting Haiti aid after a devastating earthquake, Teodoro Obiang is quoted as saying, "Although our two countries are separated by an ocean, Equatorial Guinea stands with the victims in Haiti in this time of distress and chaos." On receiving aid from a nation with a life expectancy of 42.8 years, Haitian officials have called it the country's "Joe Pisarcik moment."
click for Standings
Shwe vs Kim
Burmese ruler Than Shwe recently decreed that, when it comes to elections, it's Myanmar not Youranmar. He has the sharing habits of a kindergartener. However, Shwe has said that he will release democracy advocate and former candidate Aung San Suu Kyi in November. Just in time for sweeps! And just in time for Suu Kyi to congratulate the winner of Myanmar's first election since she won twenty years ago. North Korea, led by Kim Jong-Il, is going to test missiles yet again. This does nothing to counter the stereotype that Asians love tests.
In debt? Maybe viewing the winners of this week's Evil Leaders League contests will cheer you up. But probably not. Good luck with that.
Berlusconi vs Morales
The Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, who's had more cosmetic surgeries than the cast of The Hills, is in the middle a of corruption scandal. Jay Leno is the host of The Tonight Show. What is this, 1994? Well no, 'cause then Berlusconi's mistress would only be 4 years old. While watching Evo Morales's second inauguration as the president of Bolivia, I forgot he was a radical anti-American socialist. Mostly because I was focusing on how distinctly Indian he looks. Plus I don't speak Spanish, so who knows what the hell he was saying.
al-Bashir vs Ahmadinejad
Everyone knows Omar al-Bashir and Tiger Woods have had PR problems of late. But did you know they both hired the same publicist? Unfortunately the publicist got confused, which is why Omar al-Bashir recently checked himself into sex rehab and Tiger Woods declared that he would honor the results of a referendum on southern Sudan's self-determination scheduled for 2011.
As was the case with George W. Bush, Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was elected president amid controversy over hanging chads- especially if chad is a pseudonym for Iranian opposition activists. Ahmadinejad's just lucky he hung people and not dogs, or else PETA would be on his ass. And he'd have to serve jail time, too.
Karzai vs Obiang
Afghanistan's Hamid Karzai reinstated human rights violator Abdul Rashid Dostum over the West's objections.
THIS JUST IN: General Dostum reportedly has inappropriate pictures of Hamid Karzai. An inside source familiar with one photo claims that, in the depiction, Karzai has exchanged his trademark karakul hat and emerald green cape for a sequined one-piece, sunglasses, and a jheri curl in an apparent tribute to Michael Jackson. In the snapshot, Karzai is grabbing his crotch with his gloved hand and saluting with the other, tears streaming down his cheeks.
In granting Haiti aid after a devastating earthquake, Teodoro Obiang is quoted as saying, "Although our two countries are separated by an ocean, Equatorial Guinea stands with the victims in Haiti in this time of distress and chaos." On receiving aid from a nation with a life expectancy of 42.8 years, Haitian officials have called it the country's "Joe Pisarcik moment."
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