Smelly Tuna

The Washington Nats' inaugural season has kicked off. The Nats have started the season 3-3 in their first week. We've seen some positive signs and some not-so-positive things. The Nats have won the close games including two games that went down to the wire. Saturday night against the Marlins, it appeared that Chad Cordero had given away the lead until Jose Guillen homered in the 10th inning.

The Nats have also been blown out in each of their three loses, and shutout in the last two. Scores of 9-0 and 8-0 seem bad until you realize than Antonio Osuna was responsible for both games becoming a blowout. Both starters pitched well and deserved better. The lack of offense is a concern, but the Marlins' Dontrelle Willis and Josh Beckett are both pretty damn good, so it's not as worrisome as it could be.

I call relief pitcher Antonio Osuna "O-tuna" because he stinks!


Of course, a 3-3 record on the road is not all the bad. In fact, it's pretty good. The Nats travel to Atlanta for three against the Braves, my old favorite team. It will be an emotional scene for me personally. The Braves were the team of my childhood, the Nats are the team of my adulthood. Then the fellas come home for their first game at RFK on Thursday against Arizona.

My Choice for Pope

A new word has been invented: epopel. It will be used to define the process of selecting a new pope. I will have my own epopel online, which I guess makes it an e-epopel or something. Post your comments regarding who you think should be the next pope through our epopel. But remember, please be serious. No monkey business. My choice is Sammy Davis Jr.

Sammy Davis Jr. should be the next pope, despite the fact that he's a black Jew and has been deceased for 15 years.


Sammy Davis may seem like an unlikely choice because he would be the first black man ever to be epopeled. He would also be the first Jew ever voted the leader of the Catholics (as pope anyway). His death many years ago, makes his selection even more unlikely. However, Sammy Davis Jr. was a respected entertainer in his day. He was not like the performers of today, who are lucky to have one talent. No, he was multi-versed in delighting his audiences. Plus, wouldn't it be really cool to have a black Jewish pope? That would be a big "suck it" to the Italian delegation of cardinals.

Mr. Davis' untimely death of cancer in 1990 hurts his chances. But c'mon, of the three things hindering his chances, the dead thing is third most important behind the black and the Jewish things. Even the Catholic guy "sinning himself" in the corner knows that. Mr. Davis had a glass eye and hung out with "rat pack," some sort of popular "pack" back during an era when many Justin Timberlakes haunted the few winks Frank Sinatra caught, with their crazy dancing, not-so-good singing, and the overall unlikability this imagined army of Justin Timberlakes possessed. How prophetic Mr. Sinatra's visions were.

As exemplified by the Rat Pack, Sammy Davis hung out with Italians, so he'd be accustomed to dealing with them on a regular bases as pope. He also appeared on the Cosby Show as a deep illiterate dude, so he knows what it's all about. He'd be a natural. Sure there would be doubters. Those that managed to look past his race, his religion, and his current medical status might find other areas to disqualify him. He was married, he smoked quite a bit, and he hung out with the fucking Rat Pack for Christ-sake. Nevertheless, I am able to look beyond all of those apparent disqualifying factors and nominate Sammy Davis Jr. in my epopel.

Iraqi Irony

The Iraqi national Assembly chose Jalal Talabani as the nations first president of the sort. While Talabani, a Kurdish leader, was emphatically against Saddam Hussein, his name does allow for irony for U.S. "War on Terror" fans. Of course, Mr. Bush, Mr. George Bush's cocaine-induced lust for war began with an attack against Afghanistan, bombing the Taliban in Jalalabad (or Kabul, whatever, shut up!). Delicious.

The Iraqi national assembly has an ironic sense of humor, choosing a man named Jalal Talabani as president. Fans of the "War on Terror" noted the irony.


The national assembly also chose two vice presidents, but who cares, the prime minister holds most of the power.

If you want to read a real article on Talabani:

Breaking Deadlock, Iraqis Pick President and 2 Other Officials
The New York Times
By Edward Wong
Here's the Link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/06/international/middleeast/06cnd-iraq.html?ei=5088&en=32286abbb3df515e&ex=1270440000&adxnnl=1&partner=rssnyt&adxnnlx=1112817676-wUboO3Me7f6ZjZrJZbXGMg

2005 Women's NCAA Basketball Championship

Baylor coasted to their first championship in school history after the 2005 championship game. Michigan State never had a chance as the Baylor team proved that women are better than men. They cleansed the murderous sins of the Baylor men's team, which included a homicide and a coach's cover-up.

Baylor won the 2005 NCAA championship Tuesday night. They were happy about it.


Baylor defeated three #1 seeds on route to the crown. The last one, Michigan State, was in part thanks to Emily Niemann, Sophia Young (26 points), and Steffanie Blackmon. There would be no comeback tonight. Baylor ended the contest with a comfortable 84-62 win. Niemann's three-point shooting propelled Baylor to a big lead in the first half. From there, they never looked back.

Baylor released the stranglehold that Tennessee and UCONN have had on the title in recent years.

2005 Men's NCAA Basketball Championship

North Carolina head coach Roy Williams started the day with the most ever tournament wins without a championship. By night's end, he would lose that distinction. UNC began the contest on a roll. Illinois was able to come back and the championship game was off and rolling.

Sean May led the North Carolina Tar Heels to their first NCAA Championship since 1993.


What followed was disastrous for the Fighting Illini. Their center, the man designated to stop Sean May- the immovable object- James Augustine found himself in foul trouble. Head Coach Bruce Weber tried virtually everyone he could find. Jack Ingram was the most successful, actually giving his team hope for a bit in the first half. Carter, Prince, and the ghost of Kendall Gill all had their turn to try and stop May. None of it worked, not even the spirit. UNC's playmaker, Raymond Felton played his way out of foul trouble in the first half and along with Rashad McCants helped the Tar Heels grab a 40-27 lead at the half.

The halftime speech seemed to fall on deaf ears when the lead grew to fifteen at the start of the second half. Augustine picked up two more fouls on the same defensive possession, which gave onlookers the belief that Illinois' chances of winning were swimming with the fishes.

But not this Illinois group. They proved they never give up against Arizona nine days prior. And though North Carolina is a better team than the Wildcats, Illinois showed why they've been the best team in the land for the last several months. Luther Head hit his outside shots. Ingram gave his team the lift they needed. Reverend Powell contributed. Dee Brown was like a blood hound. And Darren Williams is the man who leads this crew. In the face of a 10-0 Illinois run, North Carolina would not relent. McCants disappeared, and Marvin Williams felt the pressure, but Sean May put his squad on his wide shoulders.

It was Felton and May, whose 26 points and 9 rebounds was one more board than his father grabbed in his 1976 title bout for Indiana, that came through in the clutch. Head's threes fell off the mark and North Carolina won 75-70. The evening somehow seemed incomplete. It felt we needed to watch these two teams play a series to truly determine the better team. Illinois didn't lose, they simply ran out of time. UNC did win, their fourth championship in school history.

Sunday's Final Four

The Final Four saw three #1 seeds and one #2 make it this year. The lone deuce was Baylor who had the unfortunate task of playing the overall #1, LSU. It looked even more unfortunate when Baylor trailed by 15. Only two teams had ever come from so far behind in the Final Four. That number would double by the time the night was through.

Baylor will play Michigan State for the NCAA title on Tuesday. Both teams made stunning comebacks to get there.


Baylor's Emily Niemann came off the bench to score 14 crucial points. All-American Sophia Young aided the cause. Despite Seimone Augustus' 22 points for LSU, the best player in the country's team fell short. Kim Mulkey-Robertson had coached her Baylor squad to a 68-57 victory. After comeback to take the lead, Baylor never looked back, coasting on their newfound momentum.

In the second game, Michigan State started out emboldened against a vastly more experienced Tennessee team. Pat Summit had led her Vols to the last four Final Fours. But Tennessee would not disappear. In fact, they took a 16-point lead. Alexis Hornbuckle, who ended with 16 points, led the charge.

Michigan State appeared down and out. However, they never gave up. Slowly the lead evaporated thanks to Lindsay Bowen, especially. Liz Shimek and Victoria Lucus-Perry also contributed. Michigan State still trailed with the clock running down. Their senior, Kristin Haynie was virtually non-existent. Center Kelli Roehrig had a wide-open lay up to give her club a fighting chance. When he attempt failed to touch anything even slightly associated with a basket, the Spartan chances seemed about doomed.

Tennessee would not let Michigan State lose however. Shyra Ely committed two turnovers. The Vols fouled when they shouldn't. And Michigan State stayed close. Tennessee's outside shooting star, Shanna Zolman missed a critical three at the end of the shot clock. A wondrous steal by State gave them their first lead of the second half. Time was dwindling.

On Tennessee's last possession, Zolman fired a three from the corner that rimmed out. Roehrig, who had already made up for her miss with a clutch two, rebounded the ball and outlet for the win. A lay up later, Michigan State celebrated their 4-point win. Baylor vs. Michigan State for the championship.

BBC Report: Wait, Bob Marley's dead?

Evidently you don't have to have been living in a cave for the last 25 years to not know that Bob Marley is dead; you only have to work for the BBC. For an upcoming documentary on his song "No Woman, No Cry" the BBC requested the participation of the revolutionary singer in order to make the program "work."

Bob Marley, selfishly died of cancer (or at the hands of the CIA) to avoid partaking in a BBC documentary about him.


That reminds me of Spanish class in ninth grade. Our assignment was to learn about the life of a Latino(a) hero. I really wanted to do my project on Roberto Clemente, but some fat kid got him instead. When it was time for the presentations, the fucking fat kid didn't even know if Clemente had died or not! Neither did the teacher!!! I didn't even correct them, because I was too stupefied to say anything.

Clemente's life was epitomized by his death. On New Year's eve in 1972 (I knew this in ninth grade, he had been one of my heroes for a long time by then) Clemente boarded a plane from Puerto Rico to Nicaragua, where a deadly earthquake had just occurred, to give supplies and of himself. Tragically, his plane crashed, and his body was never found. Clemente finished his baseball career with a magic number of hits, 3,000 and as the inspiration for not only Latin American ball players for generations to come, but everyone who has heard his story. Fucking fat kid!

Get Up, Stand Up . . . or Not
Washington Post
Here's the link:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A22107-2005Apr2.html

Final Four

Not often are there two distinct best teams in college basketball, and it is an even rarer occurrence for them to meet for the championship. That is what we will have this year.

The first game featured the two comeback kids from last weekend, Illinois and Louisville. The game had the paradoxical appearance of both teams overmatching the other. Illinois looked intimidated in front of the taller Cardinals, but at the same time, it seemed as if Louisville could not stop the Illini attack.

Following a quick first half, the Reverend Roger Powell Jr. took over the game. After making an uncharacteristic three, he tried another and missed. Trailing his shot, the ball never touched the ground before Powell had dunked home his own mess. Illinois looked like champions tonight. Rick Pitino's record setting season came to an end. He returns home tomorrow to once again pick up his summer job as a mid-level man for the Italian mafia.

In the second game, Michigan State looked outmatched by North Carolina. Of course, I counted Michigan State out in the first round. But the Spartans made a run the way some teams make a run in the tournament: they just scored more points than their opponents. They didn't play better, no stars were born, they never impressed, they simply scored more each game. It was hard to count out Michigan State's heart; that's how they had beaten both Duke and Kentucky.

Michigan State started the game hot. But as with all giants, UNC didn't waver. They stuck to the game plan. They ran. Tom Izzo's plan of switching defenders on Sean May to wear him out was working however. By the end of the first half, UNC was befuddled, Roy Williams had struggled with his substitutions, and Michigan State held a comfortable five-point lead.

What had kept UNC in the game during the opening session was the play of forward Jawad Williams. What would give them an easy victory would be two things. The first happened when the Tar Heels scored the second period's first six points to take the lead. The Spartans were flabbergasted, and never fully recovered. The second thing was Sean May, who turned his night around by dominating the gallant Paul Davis. Nietzel made a couple of stupid decisions that did not make me like him any more than I already didn't. North Carolina was the victor. The stage is set for Roy Williams, the most successful coach in tournament history never to win the championship against Bruce Weber, the man who coaches the team with the best record and lost his mom just one month ago. Should be a dandy.

Breaking News

I was watching CNN for some reason when I saw a message "Breaking News: Pope visits Boston in 1979. " Uh, I wonder if they realize that the pope is dying? That seems more like breaking news than a visit 26 years ago. But that's just me and I'm an idiot.

Zimbabwean Elections

There is more going on in the world than the fate of one man. Zimbabwean elections took place, where President Robert Mugabe's ZANU-PF party appears to be victorious. Mugabe has been accused of fraud for the third straight election. Mugabe is most noted for redistributing white-owned land back to black farmers.

Map of Zimbabwe. The capital, Harare, is in the northeast, and the Victoria Falls are on the western tip of the country.

Population: 12.9 million (UN, 2004)
Capital: Harare
Area: 390,759 sq km (150,873 sq miles)
Major language: English (official), Shona, Sindebele
Major religions: Christianity, indigenous beliefs
Life expectancy: 34 years (men), 33 years (women) (UN)
Monetary unit: 1 Zimbabwe dollar = 100 cents
Main exports: Tobacco, cotton, agricultural products, gold, minerals
GNI per capita: US $480 (World Bank, 2001)

Late Returns in Zimbabwe Election Point to Victory for Mugabe
Sharon LaFraniere and Michael Wines
The New York Times
Here's the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/01/international/africa/01cnd-zimbabwe.html?ex=1270011600&en=fa3d2af1fb49f189&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt

Mugabe's party sweeps to victory
BBC News
Here's the link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4399501.stm

BBC's country profile of Zimbabwe
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/country_profiles/1064589.stm

Zimbabwe voters' views
BBC News
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4393473.stm